Once we relapse and free the monster inside of us it's often difficult to come back and start over.
A few days ago a staff member who had relapsed several weeks ago called to ask for help. He said he wanted to come back to TLC. He wanted to change his life. He thought that if he didn't come back he might not survive.
The team that went to his door was confronted with an example of what our addictions can do to us. The man who answered the door was a gaunt shadow of his former self. Because he'd been using meth and hadn't eaten in about three weeks he'd lost an estimated hundred pounds. He was so weak he could barely stand. And at one point fell over when he tried to get up from the sofa where he was sitting. He was so weak he couldn't walk. And a staff member had to carry him downstairs and place him in our vehicle. From there we took him to the emergency room where they kept him most of the day. They likely would have been admitted him to the hospital but he was uncooperative with the medical staff. Finally, one of the doctors lost patience and discharged him.
We placed him in one of our halfway houses so he could sleep and regain his strength. But the next day, after sleeping overnight and eating a few meals he asked to be taken to his apartment. He wanted to pick up clothing and toiletries and return to the program. Once at his apartment, though, he decided to stay there.
This situation is an example of what happens when we go back out. This man had been clean for some 12 years. Yet he allowed personal issues to take him back to the insanity of addiction. And the sad thing is that this man had everything in the world going for him. He had his children and other family members who cared about him. He had a secure job with a great future. He had investments that many men his age hadn't acquired yet. But he threw it all away because he didn't apply the program to his own life.
While he may be able to get his life back together once he suffers enough pain and misery, his prospects at this point don't seem great. For one thing, he has the financial resources to purchase enough drugs to last for a while. Maybe long enough for him to kill himself.
One more time we witness the power of our disease.
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