Even though I've been sober more than 27 years I sometimes still ponder the differences between those who can drink socially and those of us who are alcoholics.
It happened for me again while on the plane from Phoenix to Puerto Vallarta a few days ago.
While the plane was still on the ground, the steward came by to take drink orders. Almost automatically I ordered water, as did my companion.
Then he went to the second row of seats and took orders.
"Gin and tonic," said a voice in the row behind us.
"Bloody Mary," said the next person. And so it went as the steward made his rounds, though not everyone ordered alcohol.
As I listened, I realized that a non-alcoholic wouldn't pay attention to what others are drinking.
Yet here I was paying attention. And when the steward returned to see if they wanted another drink, I noticed that they said they'd had enough. And I knew right then that these people didn't drink like I did many years ago.
Because there was never an occasion where I missed an opportunity for another drink. There was never enough. And I drank that way until there was no more alcohol. And it was the same for whatever substances I put into my body; if they made me feel good I kept going until I couldn't.
We alcoholics and addicts have something in our wiring that doesn't understand moderation. And if life doesn't intervene to help us get sober, we usually end up dying early.
I'm happy that I finally had enough pain to finally want to go into a detox. Because of that, I have a fulfilling life today.
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