An acquaintance recently asked if I would be willing to talk to a lady friend of hers who's been married to an alcoholic all of her life. I told her I'd be happy to and gave her my phone number.
The lady called a few days later and we spent about half an hour on the phone discussing her husband's drinking. She said that his drinking had put them into financial ruin. At one time they had business interests and a good lifestyle. But his drinking had lost all of that.
She said he has problems with his kidneys and his liver and because he's in his 60s she doesn't expect him to be around very long if he keeps drinking. I agreed with her and asked if her husband would be willing to speak with me. She said that because her friend recommended me, that she thought he would. So we set up a time for me to call her back so she could put him on the phone.
Our conversation was pleasant enough, but I could immediately tell that I was dealing with a typical alcoholic. When I suggested that he get into treatment or into a sober environment, like a halfway house, he had many reasons why he couldn't do that. He had to take care of his family. He had a job three days a week as a bartender, and he would lose the job if he didn't show up to work. He didn't want to leave his wife by herself. And he had several other excuses, but you get the idea.
He was very agreeable and pleasant as I pointed out what his drinking would eventually do to him. I explained to him that he had to be motivated to change, that I couldn't provide motivation for him. Nor could his family or anyone else. I explained to him that most of us only change when we get enough pain, like a serious illness, or becoming homeless or getting a DUI and going to jail. He was agreeing with me about everything I said and told me he would "think about it." But the reality is that this man really hasn't had enough pain in his life to make him put down the alcohol.
Those of us who are sober today are truly blessed that we stopped in time.
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