I hear from a reader who's been following this blog for many years, something I appreciate.
When she first wrote it was to see if TLC could help her adult son who'd been drinking and living on the streets in the Midwest for quite a while. And my response was that of course we could help him. All he needed was to be willing and to show up.
However, he wasn't interested in changing. And, as far as she knows he's still doing the same thing, but now in another state on the East coast.
Much of our correspondence has been about how to deal with someone we love who refuses to change. And the reality is that until someone experiences enough pain they're not too motivated to do anything different - regardless of how painful it is to those around them.
Even though she suffers greatly over her son's alcoholism, this woman has fortunately been able to focus on the many blessings in her life. She has children and grandchildren who love and care for her. She has participated in support groups that have helped her realize that until her son decides to change all she can do is live in acceptance.
Most of us alcoholics and addicts don't realize the pain we cause our family and friends. It's only when we get sober and begin to make amends that we realize the damage we've done.
The positive thing is that if we stay sober these relationships can be repaired.
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