Wednesday, November 17, 2021

Being Ill

Every two or three years I get a cold and don't make it to the office.

I know the signs that a cold is creeping up on me.  A slight soreness in my throat.  A general tiredness over my whole body.  My brain is foggy and I check my glasses more often because I think  they're dirty.  But they're not; I just think they just seem that way because my vision is blurry.  I clean them anyway.

Whatever I'm experiencing I know that I don't suffer very well.  I have this idea that I might read something I've been meaning to get to for a while, but before I know it I've been napping for an hour.

Ultimately I get to the point where I'm reminding myself that there are unfortunate souls who live with physical and mental pain of varying degrees all of their lives.

I remind myself that - considering the way I've lived - that that I shouldn't even be alive.  I talk a lot to myself about this and end up feeling foolish about letting a minor ailment be so irritating.

We addicts don't suffer very well because we know how to feel good right away.  But those of us who are serious about recovery know that we'd just end up in more pain and back on the merry-go-round of addiction and have to start all over.

And that's not where I'm going to go.

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