Entitlement?

A colleague in another state used the phrase "sense of entitlement" as being one of the primary blocks to clients getting sober. And I couldn't agree with her more.

Clients often show up to our program acting like we owe them something. They have the idea that they‘re not responsible for their own recovery. They want someone to fix them – and to do it for free.

Most of our job at TLC is teaching clients to be responsible for their behavior, for their recovery. Many have never taken care of themselves. Many have lived at home, coddled by family. It's only when clients accept the “I am responsible" concept that they have a chance of changing. We don’t have the power to do it for them.

Often I get the feeling we’re raising other people's children. The only difference is that many of these "children" are over 20 years old – and some of them nearly 40. Those around them haven’t taught them responsibility.

In my own case, until I was about forty I blamed others for my predicament. Nothing was my fault. It was society’s fault. My parents fault. It was because I came from a broken home. It was the world’s fault for institutionalizing me at a tender age. I looked at everything and everyone around me as the source of my problems.

Then one day there was no one left to cushion me from reality. My parents wouldn't let me sleep in the tool shed - or on the porch. No one believed my story anymore, that I was the victim. There were fewer and fewer situations outside of myself that I could look to as the cause of my problem. Only then, did I crack the door to the possibility of change.

And it's interesting. Once I admitted I was an alcoholic and drug addict and powerless over nearly everything, only then did my life begin to change. It was almost miraculous. Within a year my life turned around. The day I had a year sober, I opened my own recovery program. In retrospect, I probably wasn't really prepared to do that. But then, in reality are any of us 100% prepared for new challenges?

In summation, once I moved on to the square of admitting I was responsible for what happened to me things went extremely well. Today I have the great privilege of helping many addicts and alcoholics with their recovery. I have the respect of my children and friends. I have others who help me when times get tough. Responsibility is the cornerstone of my sobriety.