A woman called from out-of-state today to talk to me about her boyfriend. She said he'd been in TLC for a few months and that he'd suddenly quit taking her calls. She said his family blamed her for his alcoholism and had recommended he quit speaking to her, get her out of his life. She wondered what I thought, did I think she was really responsible?
Since we neither confirm nor deny if a client is in our program I had a general conversation with her about the situation. First of all I told her that she wasn't responsible for his alcoholism. Many times families want to blame others when their relatives have a substance abuse problem. After all, "things like that don't happen in our family" is their rationale. Surely there 's something outside, another factor that's responsible for my family member's situation. It's easy to blame others for things we don't understand.
So what better target than a girlfriend, wife, or husband we don't like? We need some kind of scapegoat. That way we can explain away our loved ones failings.
I told her to not pay a lot of attention to his family or others who might assign her blame. I also suggested she look around in her area for some Al-Anon meetings. In Al-Anon she might find others who've been in her situation.
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