Quite a while ago, when I was in early recovery I went through a divorce. And later on, I ran into a friend who told me that I must be really happy to have gotten rid of that "bitch." But my reply might've surprised him. Because I told him that I had no resentment toward her. I said that at one time we had a great relationship and that we loved each other a lot. Just because we went through some tough times and ended up getting a divorce didn't mean that she was any less of a person or any less worthy of my respect.
During my 28 years of recovery, I've had a lot of people do things that made me angry or resentful. But I forgave them because I believe that that was the spiritual thing to do, the right thing to do. There are very few perfect humans on this planet and I'm pretty suspicious of the ones who think they are. Because at one time or another we've all stepped on someone's toes, and the right thing to do is to turn about and ask for forgiveness.
I had an incident with an associate the other day, where he brought up some things from the past that I'd long forgotten about. Since this person and I are both in recovery I thought it was strange that he was still carrying around this resentment and anger. I mean people all do stupid things, especially me, because I'm a busy person and I have a lot of things on my plate. When I do someone wrong I promptly ask people to forgive me and if they won't then I've done my part – I cleaned up my side of the street.
But the idea that we use our precious days being angry at things that people have done to us is a waste of our time on this planet. We could be spending that time with our family relaxing and enjoying their company. We could be taking a walk in nature and enjoying the sunset. But doing those things while carrying a backpack of resentment isn't good.
A lot of people have ripped us off at TLC. And people ask me how can I trust people after they've done us wrong over and over. And I tell them that it doesn't bother me a whole lot because I trust people to be people – not to be perfect. A lot of times people are forgetful. Or they have too much stuff on their plate and they don't sort out their priorities, or maybe they're just malicious. Whatever it is, I find that it's much healthier for me to forgive them and move on with my life rather than keep gnawing on old resentments and letting them color my life from this point on.
In my mind, part of being a healthy human being is not clinging to anything negative – no matter what it is. That way we can enjoy the present moment and live our lives to the fullest.
If I have trouble forgiving someone I need to look at my ego. If I think that I'm so important that I can't forgive another's wrongs then I have a serious problem.
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