It's not because they did anything to me. To the contrary: they would be surprised that I have any interest in all in what they're doing or that I have any concern at all about their situation. But being without compassion is not who I want to be or how I view myself. I like to view myself as being compassionate to everyone.
To explain further, to shed light on what I'm talking about, this really has nothing to do directly with me. It's probably even really none of my business.
One of the situations has to do with a good friend of mine who has a family member who is elderly, yet functional. He spends a great deal of his free time doing nice things for her. He sometimes cooks for her. He accompanies her to medical appointments and sits in while the doctor talks to her. He loves her and does a lot to show it. He's probably one of the most helpful people I know, not just with his family but with everyone else in his life.
The problem comes up because she doesn't follow directions when it comes to her well-being. The biggest instruction the doctor gives her is to get more exercise. When she complains of feeling tired, he tells her to get more exercise. When she says she feels cold all the time he tells her she needs more exercise. Virtually every complaint she has the doctor's response is always that she needs to get her strength built up and she can only do that by exercising. Yet for some reason, she can't comply.
On occasion, she has fallen and had to call for help. However, if she'd followed the doctor's orders she probably would have better balance and not be as likely to fall. My friend's concern is that she will continue to become weaker because of lack of exercise and will eventually require the kind of care she could only get in a nursing home.
The other situation I'm talking about involves an older woman who has smoked all of her life. Smoking has caused her to have more than one heart attack, stents put in her heart valves, a pacemaker installed, stents placed in her legs, and many ambulance trips to the hospital. Yet, in spite of all the medical interventions she has had she refuses to quit smoking – or even try. She has even asked people to smuggle her cigarettes into the hospital intensive care unit. She tells her family that she doesn't want to live and doesn't care if cigarettes kill her. And while she's been this way for many years, it's caused her family a great deal of suffering watching the misery she goes through.
And that's where the question of compassion comes in. Because while I feel sorry for these two sick people I described here, I feel even worse for family members who are forced to witness their painful decline. While it's not my place to judge others because I definitely have my own character defects I have a tough time mustering up any compassion for people who are dedicated to destroying their lives. Because I'm a person who believes that a person has a right to kill themselves however they want. But the problem for me is the suffering it causes those around them, those who care for them.
It's one thing for us to destroy ourselves for whatever reason. Whether we're sick. Or whether we have an addiction. But do we have a right to make those around us suffer while we are actively – or passively – shortening our lives while others stand around helplessly watching us suffer?
I ask myself if compassion is a blanket proposition? To be a compassionate person, must we be compassionate toward everyone? Is compassion something we can be selective about? For me, it's a conundrum.
All I know is that I hate to see my friends and those I care about suffer when those they love won't care for themselves.
Click here to email John
The problem comes up because she doesn't follow directions when it comes to her well-being. The biggest instruction the doctor gives her is to get more exercise. When she complains of feeling tired, he tells her to get more exercise. When she says she feels cold all the time he tells her she needs more exercise. Virtually every complaint she has the doctor's response is always that she needs to get her strength built up and she can only do that by exercising. Yet for some reason, she can't comply.
On occasion, she has fallen and had to call for help. However, if she'd followed the doctor's orders she probably would have better balance and not be as likely to fall. My friend's concern is that she will continue to become weaker because of lack of exercise and will eventually require the kind of care she could only get in a nursing home.
The other situation I'm talking about involves an older woman who has smoked all of her life. Smoking has caused her to have more than one heart attack, stents put in her heart valves, a pacemaker installed, stents placed in her legs, and many ambulance trips to the hospital. Yet, in spite of all the medical interventions she has had she refuses to quit smoking – or even try. She has even asked people to smuggle her cigarettes into the hospital intensive care unit. She tells her family that she doesn't want to live and doesn't care if cigarettes kill her. And while she's been this way for many years, it's caused her family a great deal of suffering watching the misery she goes through.
And that's where the question of compassion comes in. Because while I feel sorry for these two sick people I described here, I feel even worse for family members who are forced to witness their painful decline. While it's not my place to judge others because I definitely have my own character defects I have a tough time mustering up any compassion for people who are dedicated to destroying their lives. Because I'm a person who believes that a person has a right to kill themselves however they want. But the problem for me is the suffering it causes those around them, those who care for them.
It's one thing for us to destroy ourselves for whatever reason. Whether we're sick. Or whether we have an addiction. But do we have a right to make those around us suffer while we are actively – or passively – shortening our lives while others stand around helplessly watching us suffer?
I ask myself if compassion is a blanket proposition? To be a compassionate person, must we be compassionate toward everyone? Is compassion something we can be selective about? For me, it's a conundrum.
All I know is that I hate to see my friends and those I care about suffer when those they love won't care for themselves.
Click here to email John
