Friday, April 8, 2022

Pain is Good

We've never had people apply to get into our program because their lives were going well. 

And, we have people of all descriptions show up.  Most have no money. No job. No insurance. Their family is done with them. The only person who cares even a little about them might be a parole or probation officer who's patiently waiting for them to screw up so they can put them back in jail or prison.

What brings them to our doors is the pain their addiction is inflicting upon them.  At first it was a love affair. They remember the warm sensation of that first drink. 

The confidence they felt after they had downed a couple of drinks. All of a sudden they were the life of the party. They could dance or sing. They could talk to girls. They were better looking and stronger.  And excellent conversationalists.

Or maybe alcohol wasn't their first experiences with substances.  Maybe their first high was cocaine, heroin, or methamphetamines.  The first taste of this new friend was unforgettable, like their first climax. I remember after my first shot of heroin saying "I want to feel like this the rest of my life." And for the next 38 years I did everything I could to recapture that feeling. But then my new friend began to let me down.  I no longer had the thrill of that first encounter.  And soon I had a fulltime job trying to keep enough opiates in my system so I wouldn't be sick.

Eventually it was all about pain. I could never get enough drugs to feel normal for more than a few hours. It was only a few years later that I realized that the pain is what opens the door to recovery for us addicts and alcoholics. Even though we run from the pain at first - eventually it corners us and we start looking for help.

Eventually, after we're clean and sober a while, we recognize that pain was our friend.  Pain saved our lives.  That's why, when an addict is whining to me about all the bad things that happened to them and are feeling sorry for themselves, I congratulate them for experiencing the pain and doing something about changing their lives.

If we remember the pain that brought us to recovery we have a better chance of staying sober.

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