Once parents discover their child is an addict it changes their life immediately. But not all of them react the same. What most mothers seem to do is blame themselves for the child's addiction - particularly mothers who are codependent and those who feel like they didn't do a very good job of being a mother.
This kind of mother is probably the most difficult to deal with. Because they blame themselves for the addiction they will sometimes call me and complain about their child is treated in our program. They might not like the fact that the child has to get up at 4:00 in the morning and report to a job. They might not like the idea that their son or daughter has to be responsible for themselves at all. I've even had them call to complain about our menu; they might think their child needs a certain type of diet and a private room. In a word, they think we're too hard on our clients.
But the reality about addicts and alcoholics, in my opinion, is that most were pampered and not taught responsibility as a youngster. We are strict with our clients because we know - as addicts ourselves - that an addict will try to get away with whatever they can.
For that reason the first thing we teach them is to be responsible for themselves. Part of that teaching is that they must find a job. They must go to outside 12-step meetings. Cleaning their room is their responsibility. They must submit to drug tests. They have to follow a curfew. And there're many more guidelines.
Many of the most successful graduates we have are those who had a tough childhood and who had nothing when they arrived at our doors. Tough circumstances often makes tough, resilient people.
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