I was surprised the other day when a man asked me a question after the 12 step meeting.

"Are you still my sponsor?" He asked. I was surprised because, while I had sponsored him at one time, he hadn't called me in probably a year.

"I haven't heard from you in quite a while," I responded. "Do you still want me to sponsor you?" When he said yes I told him to call me the following morning.

One of the first things that we hear in the rooms from those who've returned after a relapse is they quit calling their sponsor. I hear it so often it seems to be have become almost a cliche. And the next thing we hear is they quit going to meetings and stayed away from their sober friends.

The idea of getting a sponsor is not something newcomers always understand. And I was one of them. I thought a sponsor was there to help me get through the literature. And that didn't appeal to me because I had a lot of experience in reading, writing, and editing. I'd worked as a reporter and editor. Later I found out there was more to it than simply reading the book.

A sponsor helps us apply the lessons in the book to real-life situations. And the longer the sponsor has been sober the more experience he can draw on to help the sponsee navigate life without drugs or alcohol.

Today I have the same sponsor I've had for 13 years. He is a one-time business associate who is a friend and mentor. When I call him with a question or a situation he usually responds by telling me I probably know what to do. And he is right. But still, it is nice to use his experience to make sure I'm going in the right direction. I always have the comfort of getting advice from a man who comes from similar circumstances, who has children and grandchildren (as I do), and who is totally committed to staying sober.

Sponsors are guides and friends who keep us from having to learn things the hard way. Of course we have to be willing to listen...