It's easy to work the 12 step programs when times are good. When we have a great job, a good relationship, and life is wonderful our program goes smoothly. But I believe that when times are tough we learn how much we have really absorbed of the 12 steps.

This was brought to my attention recently when two friends of mine, one who sponsored the other, had a crisis in their relationship. The one who acted as a sponsor was also the sponsee's supervisor. Because of a recent turn-down in his company's fortunes, the supervisor had to terminate the sponsee. At first it appeared as though they were going to be able to continue the sponsor/sponsee relationship. But for several days after the termination the sponsee didn't call the sponsor. And when he did finally call, it was to terminate their relationship. The sponsor hasn't heard from him since.

Relationships are so sensitive for us substance abusers. We get our feelings hurt easily. When a real crisis arises in our relationships we often don't know how to deal with it. Relationships can be difficult for anyone, especially those of us in recovery. But it can be especially difficult when our lives are intertwined in other ways. An employer-employee relationship, where one sponsors the other, can be traumatic if the relationship changes. If one of is terminated, or if one of them gets drunk, then it complicates the other aspects of their relationship.

Of course life is impermanent at best. The economy changes, business changes, relationships change. Hopefully we stay sober through the changes.