“God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.” From 12-step literature.
When I was out in the world pursuing my addictions I thought I ruled the world, that I was God.
Maybe I didn’t say it that way because I was terrified that God might nuke me with a quick bolt of lightning. But I sure acted that way.
Everything I did was about me, me, me. How I felt at any given moment. My drugs. My money. My satisfaction. My pleasure. Oh yes, I had a veneer of kindness and sharing – but only when it served my goal of living in my chemically induced oblivion.
When I was finally cornered like a rat and scurried into recovery, things changed. As I made my first stumbling steps into recovery life underwent slow, almost imperceptible, changes
No longer did I awake in fear. I stopped prowling the streets as a predator looking for something to trade or sell for drugs. My health slowly returned.
While at times I was tempted to take credit for the changes in my life, I was forced to acknowledge the truth: that for the first time since childhood I was living according God’s will, not mine.
God was – and is – doing for me what I could not do for myself.
