Recovery Connections

John Schwary is CEO of Transitional Living Communities, a 850-bed recovery program he founded in Mesa, Arizona January 9, 1992 when he had a year sober. He's in his 27th year of recovery.

In these posts, he views life mostly through the lenses of recovery. While the blog is factual, he sometimes disguises events and people to protect anonymity.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Hurting Others


Opened an e-mail this morning from a man who's inquiring about his wife, who he said was in our program. Apparently she was very unhappy about everything. I included some excerpts from his e-mail with the names left out to preserve anonymity:

"I was doing some reading on your blog and find them encouraging.  My wife is a client there and I really worry she isn't applying a lot of effort towards recovery.  Hope to God I am wrong.  As a recovering person myself, I realize I ain't running the show, but still I fall into worry and beating myself up. Sound familiar?  I realized her bitterness years ago, and so did she.  I would like some news from time to time on how she is progressing?   I call her but don't ask many questions.  I don't want to give her a reason to fly into a rage because most of her resentments seem to be directed towards me. Not surprising huh.  She has been there a month and all she does is complain and I just listen, don't know what else to do but pray for her.  She is always saying I am going to get out of here,  but I know she wouldn't last a week right now before crack and alcohol would be on her, she looked like walking death when she got there.  God had to be working in both our lives to get her to agree to go.  I know He has done a miracle for me.  If you could, drop me a line when you can and update me?   Her sons and I really care.  I have to remember everything is the way it is supposed to be right at this moment and nothing happens by mistake in God,s world.  Please don't inform her I wrote you as she will scream I am trying to control her.  I am only care most about her well being."

After a few hours I replied. I explained that because of confidentiality requirements I couldn't acknowledge whether or not she was even in our program.

But I wanted to print his e-mail in its entirety because it illustrates more than any words I have how much our disease affects those around us.