Fighting Back

Clients in group this evening gave examples of how they felt their disease tried to grab them, to pull them back into using again.

One said he was at the end of a hot frustrating day  this week when - on top of everything else - he discovered the house van had no gas just as he was about to drive other clients to a meeting. Instead of spending his own money for gas, he became angry and went to his room.

Later, he felt bad that he’d slipped into a state of ingratitude. And he realized he was in a state of mind where it might have been easy to pick up again, to go back to using.  But he didn’t and he felt good about that.

Another client opened an email from his addict daughter who was angry at him for not being able to help her. It was so full of a rage that he decided not read it because he didn’t want to disturb his serenity.

Eventually he did read it, though, and was able to laugh at some of the things she wrote.  He said that though some of what she wrote was true, he also knew she was trying to manipulate him into helping her. And while one part of him wanted to help, he knew if he moved into her environment he’d shooting dope in no time.

Self awareness, coupled with the tools of the 12-step programs, helped these two clients side-step their disease.  And by the grace of God, they’re sober today.