Clearing Wreckage

A client in group talked of recontacting relatives he'd lost contact with during years of using and doing time.

As part of clearing up the wreckage of his past he'd written to apologize for his behavior, to try to set things right. To his surprise, after several months a brother replied. Now the client is thinking that maybe they'll communicate on a regular basis, perhaps re-establish some kind of relationship.

Loss of family and friends seems to be an ongoing theme among long-term addicts. And sometimes we have unrealistic expectations of our family members.  Especially when their memory of us is when we were irresponsbile and out of our minds because of our addictions.

Over the past 21 years of working with substance abusers I've observed that family members are often tentative about renewing relationships. And the longer one has been using, the longer it takes for them to find our new recovery believable.

I point out to those who are in a hurry to reestablish relationships that people get tired of having their hearts broken over and over.

It takes more than a year or two of recovery before they accept that we've really changed.