“Most people think the will to survive is the strongest instinct, but it isn’t. The strongest instinct is to keep things familiar…” Virgnia Satir, Family Therapist.
A conundrum in therapy is motivating people to change. Seems that more than anything else, clients resist change. Even though they might agree that it's a good idea, it’s another thing to put it into action.
It's not uncommon for a client - who's been saying and doing the right things for months – to suddenly pick up drugs once more and tumble into another tailspin of relapse and remorse. At times, it seems almost a cliché.
And that happened to us again this week. A young client, who was doing well and planning a trip home, suddenly disappeared in the middle of the night. Later she called from the hotel where she was getting high. She regretted her rash decision and wanted to come back.
So what happened? Did she fear leaving the safe cocoon of the program to return home? So much that she suddenly reverted the familiarity of the drug world? It’s anyone’s guess.
Resistance to change is not something endemic only among addicts or alcoholics. People everywhere have trouble changing. They can’t lose weight. Or quit smoking. They want a more rewarding job. But they can't summon the courage to leave the familiar mess they’re in – even when it might ruin their health or shorten their lives.
There's an old saying that people would rather live with a known misery than take a chance on an unknown joy.
Sometimes we’re simply comfortable with whatever mess we’re in. We know there’s a land of milk and honey over there somewhere and we’re afraid we might find it. So we stagnate and settle for mediocrity.
