My heart goes out to parents of alcoholics and addicts.
They love their children - no matter what age - and want the best for them.
As a recovering heroin addict going on 24 years clean I understand them. Because I also have a son and grandson who are addicts - one in recovery, one likely still using.
So I'm experienced on both sides of the addiction drama. Plus I've dealt with thousands of our clients since 1992.
The parents I talked with yesterday went to some effort to get their son to our program.
Once they thought they had him on a flight to Phoenix. But later they discovered he'd doubled back through security and missed the plane.
When they finally got him on a flight day before yesterday he made it to Phoenix. But once here, there were other issues.
He told them it took us seven hours to pick him up from the airport. And that we woke him at midnight to go to work on his first day and who knows what else. He wasn’t happy. But none of this happened as he portrayed it. He neglected to mention his role, which is a story for another time.
As I communicated with this man's parents they impressed me with their love and concern. It came through in their emails and our conversations. This man is lucky to have such staunch and loving supporters.
But difficult as it may be, I recommend to parents that they do as little as possible for children who are using. Help them get to recovery, and that's it.
Let them work on their recovery. Don't listen to complaints about the food. The living conditions. The management. The work. If it's a complaint about anything external, ignore it. Because we addicts are good at trying to change everything outside so we'll be okay on the inside. But our insides are what need to change.
Until my family told me "no mas" I didn't change. Once those who loved me quit helping I started realizing something must be wrong with me. When the help stopped, that's when I changed. It pissed me off at the time. But later I thanked them. And I was able to repay them for their help before they passed on.
My rule is love your children. Just don't love them to death.
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