“Be nice to yourself. It’s hard to be happy when someone is mean to you all the time." ~Christine Arylo
Many who show up in my office for help aren't nice to themselves. And that's why I like the above saying. Because it describes the dilemma of many of us addicts. Indeed, the dilemma of much of humanity.
That's not to say that once in a while we all couldn't use self-improvement in some area. Especially me.
But I'll ask a client what's going on with them and most often it's negative.
"I can't find a job."
"My family won't take me back."
"My girlfriend's on Facebook talking about some other guy." And the list goes on.
The reality is that we can take any perspective about our lives we choose. We can see the glass half full. Or half empty.
Even though I lead a blessed life, some days I'm off center. And on those days when asked how I'm doing I have a standard response: "Well, I'm not drunk and I'm not in jail."
And those who are addicts or alcoholics know what that means. That means that things have been worse. As they have for all of us.
Being nice to ourselves means having self-compassion. Forgiving ourselves for the screw-ups of the past so we can move ahead.
Being nice to ourselves means not taking mental expeditions into the ruins of our past. Because we always return from those journeys a little worse off. A little more depressed.
Being nice to ourselves is noticing that we marked another sober day on the calendar. Noticing that we encouraged someone instead of putting them down.
And noticing we didn't run to the bar or the dope house when things didn't go our way.
Being nice to ourselves is about perspective.
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