This past week I heard a lot of drama about relationships. And though it's not my business I have an opinion anyway.
These failed relationships had something in common. Most of the parties involved were in recovery.
Now relationships among so called "normal" people are tough enough. Something like 50% of marriages end up in divorce.
But yet addicts - with all their baggage - fearlessly jump into relationships all the time. The rush of hormones, the romance, the excitement is a new drug. But like all drugs, the magic wears off. And the parties begin to see one another more clearly.
If we don't have give and take and resilience it's hard to be in a successful relationship. And part of being able to love another is to first love ourselves to a degree. How can I love someone if I don't also love myself?
My first definition of love is to give. Not just material things. But also give up the need to be right all the time. The need to be in control. The need to have things my way. Also, we need to make our partner's life easier by helping and supporting. It can't always be about me.
The drama I heard about last week wasn't pretty. It ran the gamut from broken hearts to restraining orders to relapses.
But I don't believe any of this would have happened had the parties put themselves first. And they could have done that by having a solid grounding in recovery.
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