It's about the Newcomers...

I asked a friend about a couple who used to go to the same 12 step meeting that I've been attending for some 20 years. I hadn't seen them in a while and wondered if they were okay.

            "Oh they're fine," he told me. "But they quit coming to this meeting because there were too many newcomers and people who didn't know how to behave."

While on one hand I understand their sentiments about the way people sometimes behave at 12 step meetings, for some reason I don't understand the comment about newcomers.

After all, I was taught that the program is pretty much about newcomers - carrying the message to them. While I think it's good to attend meetings made up of old-timers, I learn more when I'm around people in the early stages of their recovery. When I see how newcomers view the world I'm reminded of where I was when I first came to the program. And I always leave with gratitude that I've been sober for as long as I have.

It would be judgmental of me to criticize someone who leaves a meeting and finds one that they like. After all, this is a free country and a person can go to whatever meeting they like. However when someone is a reservoir of recovery experiences - like one with over 30 years – then I think there's an obligation to share that experience. 

So what if some ignorant newcomer says something stupid? Or if a newcomer happens to mention something about drugs? After all, the literature is full of references to drugs and drug use.

And I know if others had judged me totally on my behavior that I might not be writing this blog today. It says in the 12-step literature "love and tolerance of others is our code."  That's what I want to practice.