Tough Love

A business associate whom I hadn't seen in a while gave me an update on his addict daughter.
 
 "She’s in jail again," he said. "This time for sixty days.  Some kind of drug possession."
 
While he wasn't happy about the situation he wasn't nearly as upset as he was when he first told me of her drug problems a few years earlier. 
 
When she was arrested the first time he asked what he should do. He was visibly shocked when I suggested leaving her in jail.  And he didn't follow my advice.  

But, now, through the lens of hard experience he realizes his efforts to help her didn’t work. Instead he feels he may have delayed her getting into recovery.

Today he makes statements like “she has to learn for herself.” Or, I can’t help her until she decides to change.” And he refuses to help her with legal problems or to give her money for any reason

Like many parents this man was dismayed when he discovered his daughter’s addiction.  His first instinct was to blame himself. He soul searched, wondering what he might have done different.

However,  painful as it is, we should let our children suffer the consequences of their behavior. Sometimes  when enough bad things happen - they might want to get clean and sober.