Responsibility?

When a client who'd relapsed was discharged from TLC his mother called to complain.

She said he wouldn't have relapsed had we not placed someone in his room who’d recently come off drugs. She said the new resident was a bad influence on her son and that's why he got high. She made no mention of the fact that he might have a modicum of responsibility for his own drug and alcohol use.

Of course I immediately recognized that the mother was likely one of the reasons the young man had the view of life that he did. On one hand, he acted as if he had it all together, on the other he wouldn't accept  responsibility for himself. And apparently that included his recovery.

At one point, once he was further along in the program, he requested permission to seek a part time-job during the mornings. After consulting with his counselor and other team members it was determined that this would be a good idea, a way for him to start assuming responsibility.

However, as soon as he was given permission he had a lot of reasons why he couldn't find a job. He didn't have bus fare. He didn't have a bicycle. His feet hurt when you walked for a long. And a short time later he relapsed again.

While I recognize that it's tough for parents to place responsibility on their children, he will never confront his addiction until he's on his own with no one to rescue him each time he relapses.

In my own case, I didn't change until people stopped helping me. Once everyone cut me loose because of my addictions I began to recognize that I was the source of my problems. A short time later, I began the process of getting into recovery.

It was painful to have to admit I was responsible – but once I realized that my whole life changed. I hope the same thing can happens for this young man.