In the email he links me to his latest posting. In the posting he talks of relapsing. He says that he once made a commitment that if he couldn't get off of drugs he'd do himself in. Plus, he mentions not wanting to get old.
Out of concern I write him back right after I read the message. I include my phone number.
After further communication it seems that he's not quite ready yet. But he was thinking about it.
And the import of this is how our addictions demoralize us to the point where we think of taking the ultimate step. Thank God he didn't.
I don't know this man well. All I know really is that he was in rehab for a while. That he had writing talent. And that we struck up a sometime communication via email.
But even though we have a tenuous relationship, it's a jolt to the system when someone we know suddenly threatens to not be here. To do away with himself.
And it reminds to be grateful that I got into recovery before I went that far.
