A woman resident in group was telling me how unhappy she was. But she didn't know why.
When I told her I knew why, she looked at me like I was crazy.
"So you can read minds?" she asked me, skepticism in her voice.
"No," I replied, "but it's not complicated."
And I went on to explain that if she was unhappy there was some condition in her life she didn't like. Maybe some material thing she didn't have. Maybe something she felt guilty about.
Whatever it was there was something in her life that she wasn't accepting. That she didn't want to live with.
And the way she could change her unhappiness was to change her perspective. If she can't change things in her life, accept them. And at that very moment of acceptance she'll feel much freer and lighter.
I give this same advice to many parents who wonder what to do about an addict child. And my answer is always treatment. But if the child doesn't want treatment there's not much you can do but be miserable.
If the parents accept that the child is going to be an addict until life becomes too painful, they - at least - will be happier. Because they have come to grips with the reality that they have no power over the child.
And when the child is ready for treatment they can be there to help. And they won't have spent their days being unhappy waiting for the the kid to change.
Accept whatever it is - and you'll be much happier.
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