"How long ago did you divorce him," I asked.
"18 years ago," she replied.
I knew a guy who told a similar story when he first met someone. He'd talk about how his wife cheated on him with his best friend. And how they finally ran off together, leaving him with the children. He told the story with such anger and passion that one would think it happened maybe a month earlier. But when you'd ask him when it happened he'd mention that it was about 12 years prior. In fact, it left him so scarred that I don't think he ever went out with a woman again.
Now I felt bad for both of them. At least up to the point where I found out how many years ago these incidents had happened.
I agreed that what happened might have been terrible. That it must have had a strong emotional impact.
What I didn't agree with was how long they'd been living with the emotional pain. To carry resentment and anger with us for so many years is poison to our soul. It seemed like each of them had built their identify around being a victim. And as part of their identity they had to let everyone know how badly they were treated.
My belief is if something hurts us that much we need to get over it. Life moves on. And if we dwell on what happened years ago, then we're unable to enjoy the present. And that's the only time that God has really given us - this little slice of time that we have right now.
Why waste it on the past?
