The mother's voice was filled with sadness. She didn't know what to do about her son. He'd been drinking for a period of time and she wanted to help. However, she wasn't sure what she should do to help him. She didn't have money for treatment and neither did he. When she found our program on the Internet she couldn't believe he could get in with no money and live with us for $110 a week. So she called to verify what she had read.

We talked for several minutes and I assured her that everything she'd read on our website was true. Her son could come in without money. Yes, we would help him find work. And yes, there were jobs available in Arizona if one were diligent about a job search. She was relieved to find resources available for her son. But finally I had to ask her a question:

"If you don't mind me asking, ma'am," I said, "How old is your son?"

"He's 50," she replied. I was surprised. He'd called me earlier and for some reason I didn't think of him as being 50. He sounded healthy and energetic. His thinking processes were clear and he made sense.

This exchange illustrates what many parents face, especially those with no experience with substance abuse or alcoholism. The disease is baffling. Parents love their children and want the best for them. Sometimes their idea of help includes providing money for alcohol or drugs. The children will convince them that they’ll go through withdrawals or pain if they don't have drugs or alcohol. So the parents show love the only way they know how. And we addicts know how to play on the emotions of others and do so freely. And it's not even evil on our part. Our disease compels us to do whatever we can to maintain our addictions.

I spent time on the phone with this mother, reassuring her the son could get help and get sober. I suggested that she use "tough love" with him. She could tell him that she would help him with the caveat that this would be the last time. She should tell him she loves him, but that she's not going to watch him kill himself. She will support his recovery efforts, but won't help him continue drinking or using drugs. While my recommendation seemed harsh to her, she said others told her the same thing.

Hopefully this man will get sober one of these days, perhaps even in our program, and enter a new life.