One of the major issues we deal with as addicts and alcoholics, I believe, is self-esteem. When we were in the midst of our disease using drugs and drinking, being irresponsible, we trashed our self-esteem.

Self-esteem is one of the issues we often deal with in our aftercare group. A lot of those in the group have developed a kind of false pride that makes them defensive. They often have an inflated ego, but little or no self-esteem. They have done little in life to feel good about. They often feel they are under attack.

I explain that we start building self esteem by the little things we do in our daily lives. For that reason we begin by asking new arrivals, once they're free of the shakes and the nervousness of their first week of sobriety, to start making their bed, washing their clothes, and paying attention to their grooming. I believe these small actions are the building blocks of developing self-esteem. As the days move on we start encouraging people to seek employment, to show up on time for their jobs at TLC, and to start being responsible. Often, for addicts and alcoholics who have lived in the midst of their disease for years it is quite accomplishment to simply follow the same routine each day.

As Nathaniel Branden describes so eloquently in the "Psychology of Self-esteem" human beings must realize they have a right to happiness. For us addicts and alcoholics happiness is sometimes a dim light at the end of a very long tunnel. We've been unhappy for so long we might be afraid to live in happiness because it would be so painful to have it disappear. Many times when I ask addicts to remember when they were the happiest they talk about when they were children. Very few can recall when they recently were happy.

A sign of growing self-esteem is when those in our program start reaching out to help others. At first, many of them don't believe they have anything to give. But I point out to them if they’ve been in our program for 2 to 3 weeks or longer they have something to give to the new man or woman who walks through the door. It may not be anything material. But it could be something as wonderful as a hello, and encouragement that they'll be able to stay clean and sober they just don't run away. Many of them say helping others makes them feel worthwhile.

Self esteem starts with little things.