Those of us with addictions seem to have a low tolerance for pain of any kind. Especially emotional pain.
Before I got into recovery 24 years ago I always covered my angst with a substance. My first choice was opiates. But then pills, alcohol, or marijuana would all serve in a pinch. Whatever it took to feel like I fit in.
Even as a teenager, I used whatever was available to cover my raging anxiety and feelings of being less than. Something to feel different.
And it worked for a long time. Until I started getting into trouble with the law. At that point my addiction had morphed into a hungry monster, taking all my resources. All my energy. Then eventually my freedom.
Working with addicts for 24 years has taught me a lot about myself and others.
For one thing I've learned that we don't always have to be in a state of bliss where life is wonderful. Sometimes life sucks and that's okay. I can have some pain – or down days - and it's not the end of anything. It's just life.
I've learned that the thoughts bubbling up from my addict subconscious can often lie or distort reality.
But none of these ups and downs mean that I must change how I feel with drugs or alcohol.
I simply flow with life and things are soon back in order.
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