A grandmother emails asking for help for her twenty-something grandson. Seems that he got out of jail and immediately started using. Then he was back in jail within three days.
In my response I tell her we'd be happy to help. If he wanted to change. If he had the motivation.
Her next email asked if we could provide the motivation.
And, of course you know what I told her. But I'll go over it again.
I told her that we did not. That we didn't have the power to motivate him. That the thing that motivates most of us to change is pain, discomfort, and loss. In other words, life experience.
When drinking and shooting dope isn't causing problems why in the world would he quit? We addicts had great times until they stopped being so great. We loved what we were doing.
But once we lost marriages, children, jobs, homes, freedom, or health then some of us woke up. Losing those things might be painful enough to motivate anyone.
That's why I discourage people from helping addict family members. Lose your guilt and direct your loved one to treatment. Otherwise you're going to enable them for a long time. And you might love them to death.
And surprise, surprise. Once in a while they follow the advice and get a good result.
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