At TLC we keep our men's and women's programs separate. They live at totally different properties, separated by about 1/2 mile. We do this to help avoid relationships between our clients. We know, through experience, that it is a distraction when people get in relationships in the early stages of recovery, usually up to one year. To avoid potential problems, we don't even allow the women to go to outside meetings for the first 90 days they’re in the program.

The one place where a few men and women have some contact is in the corporate office, while they're working at clerical and telemarketing jobs. But that has worked out well because upper management is present all day while they're working. Also, when clients accept employment there they know it comes with a no relationship clause.

Once in a while though relationships happen, and sometimes successfully. We have two staff members - with us for several years - who began dating a few years ago with the blessings of upper management. Each has been responsible during the relationship. They are responsible TLC supervisors. The woman has a preteen age son. The man recently got custody of his six-year-old son, and is coping with the challenges of being a parent. On February 24 they became the parents of a boy.

While many in the recovery community look down on anyone having a relationship with another person in recovery, the reality is the world wasn't really designed around recovery. I believe it is difficult to overcome biology. And once people are sober for a while and are being responsible, I think it’s fine if they develop their lives further and get into a relationship. After all, in relationships we might find out who we really are.

If we can stay sober in a relationship, with all its ups and downs, then we can probably stay sober anywhere.