The basic premise of our program is that when clients come in they want help. To enter they fill out an application that says they want to change their lives, and they're willing to follow our guidelines in order to do that. But sometimes a client slips through, sometimes clients who aren't ready to change.

Why do they come to our program? I'm not sure. Maybe they just want to get out of the weather, maybe they simply need to regroup, or maybe they aren't even sure what they want. During a group the other day we encountered a client like this. Our district manager had reported this client to be an ongoing problem. He didn't want to follow guidelines. He would come in after curfew, he wouldn't do his chores, and he questioned everything he was asked to do. Plus, he hadn't paid anything on his service fees. In short he was living with us for free and being a disruption in the process. Many times we don't have a problem with people who live with us for free while they are searching for work, or while they are complying with our guidelines. But when they're not looking for work, they're being disruptive, and they're not really serious about their sobriety then it comes to a point where we have to decide what to do about them. That was the case with this client.

When confronted about his behavior in group the assumption was that he wanted to be in our program. And that was the question that was put to him:

"Do you want to be here?"

"Of course I do," he replied.

"Then you'd need to comply," our manager told him. "You need to do what we ask you to do, to follow our guidelines."

"Well, there are things I'm willing to do, and things I don't want to do," he replied.

"This isn't that kind of a program," her manager replied. "You have to follow our guidelines."

"I'm not sure I can do that," the client said. “I want help, but I want the kind of help I want."

After that statement the group started to wind down. The manager ended up telling him that we determine the kind of help we give people here at TLC. Many times clients come in and agree to do everything they're asked. But after they’re with us for a while, get a few meals under their belt, and start feeling better, then they try to change the guidelines. They want to do what they want to do when they want to do it.

When the client said he was unwilling to do the program our way, he was finally asked to leave. It may take him for a while to realize there's not going to be too many people who are willing to help him on his terms. Life just doesn't work that way.

However, we wish him well. And, he’s always welcome to come back and try again…