"So how do you think your house ranked for the month of February?" I asked one of our newer managers.

"Oh we probably came in somewhere around the bottom," he replied, sounding depressed.

"Well," I told him slowly, "I hate to ruin your day. But your location came in number one among the men's houses." I heard nothing on the other end of the phone for a moment but silence.

"I can't believe it," he responded. "I really thought we would come in somewhere around the bottom."

To be honest, I was also surprised he came in number one. Each time I’d talk to him he’d tell me how many problems he was having keeping clients, finding them jobs, and keeping them from leaving when they got paid. Most conversations with him were a litany of how bad things were, and how poor a job he was doing.

One thing we constantly encounter with our managers - and clients - is lack of self-esteem. If I ask in a counseling group for clients to talk about their negative points, most of them ramble on about the terrible things they've done and what bad people they are. However, if I ask them to talk about their good points, most become tongue-tied and can’t last more than a few minutes. And many have done bad things in their addictions. But there is good and bad in everyone's history.

It‘s not always easy for newly sober people to strike a balance between having no self-esteem and having a huge out-of-control ego. Walking the middle road between these two aspects of our personality is an ongoing learning experience. We teach clients to find this middle road in self-esteem groups. Self-esteem seems to be a popular topic among our clients and most participate with enthusiasm.

It‘s refreshing to see a client who’s totally depressed about past behavior start to come to grips with it. Often times they can't see anything positive about their life today. They're living in a halfway house recovery program, they're not making much money, and they're often estranged from family and friends. In these situations I ask them to look at their present situation to find something to feel good about. Many times they are at a loss. In these cases, I ask them to look at the fact that they’re staying sober. They're not in jail. They have a home and they're working on rebuilding their lives. Even though they don't recognize it, this can be the most important aspect of their life – especially at this moment.

When I put it in this perspective most of them can find a way to look at their lives that will help them gain hope and feel a little better. Then their self-esteem might grow.