The text from a friend this morning said "I thought the worst thing that happened to me was becoming alcoholic. Today I realize that it was the best thing."
This statement sums up what happens to many of us in recovery after we're sober a while. We begin to realize that suddenly we're having a beautiful life. At first I was dismayed when I recognized that on top of being a drug addict I was also an alcoholic. Because an alcoholic is something I never wanted to be. My father was a violent and angry alcoholic. My brother was an alcoholic. Both died of their disease at 60 years old. The idea that I was alcoholic was abhorrent to me. I was just a social drinker who liked to party a lot, but an alcoholic? Not me.
In retrospect, I was fooling myself. I always had a bottle with me. In prison I used to manufacture alcohol and share with the other prisoners. Alcohol was never far away. And I was never okay until had a buzz on – even if I was full of other drugs. When dope sick, I would drink to cover the pain. Looking back, the evidence of my alcoholism is overwhelming. But I didn't want to face myself.
Today, like my friend, I realize the best thing that happened is I faced my alcoholism - admitted I was alcoholic. For then the doors opened. I started experiencing freedom from the insanity that alcohol and drugs brought into my life. Today, no matter what is going on, I wake up sober and have the courage to face the day. I don't pour alcohol on my problems. I don't need artificial courage to face life.
God blessed me with sobriety and allowed me to join the human race. Just like my friend, realizing that I am alcoholic is the best thing that ever happened to me.
I still learn something when I read your blogs today. Today I am thankful and greatful today. I still have no doubt about TLC saving my life not once but twice. Today I can smile.
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