Make Negative Positive

The 12-step literature says "some are sicker than others." It also mentions that some of us are “constitutionally incapable” of change. I was reminded of this yesterday when an old friend called, someone I hadn't talked to in six or seven years.

While bringing me up to speed, she told me of an acquaintance she and I had done business with years earlier. She said this person had organized a community action group involving members who were on an equal footing. However the members all resigned because our mutual acquaintance was so controlling and difficult the organization couldn’t function.

It saddened me to hear this, because this person has supposedly been in recovery for nearly 30 years- yet she's never been able to get along with anyone she can't control. At times she can be charming, friendly, generous - a good example to those around her. But then she will suddenly explode and alienate everyone. And the interesting thing is she’s quick to apologize and make amends. But the amends are empty because before long she does the same thing again. After a while friends, family, and associates give up on her.

I take away a positive lesson from people like this. Negative people redeem themselves by being an example of how I don't want to live. Many years ago, my parole officer told me "John, no one is totally useless – you can always serve as a bad example." At the time I thought he was being funny. But there must've been something in what he told me because that sentence stayed with me. We can use negative behavior as an example.

Today I look at people who behave badly and – without being judgmental – thank God I'm not living my life that way.