After nearly 21 years of sobriety I maintain serenity pretty much all the time. There are exceptions though, and yesterday was one of those exceptions. And, as usual, my loss of serenity was my fault.
A few weeks ago I'd made an appointment for an annual liver checkup. I've had hepatitis C for 25 years, but it's pretty much stable. While my viral load is over 2 million, my liver is healthy. Because of this my doctor never prescribed interferon to get rid of the virus. In any case, I keep these annual appointments to monitor the condition of my liver.
Now usually making an appointment with my liver doctor is simple. I ask my primary physician to make a referral. Once the referral is made the liver doctor sends me out for a few tests so he can see what's going on. And that's what happened in this case. I got an ultrasound and blood test and had a date to see the doctor. But then his accounting person called and said they no longer accepted the hospital network my insurance was in – that they'd have to cancel the appointment.
No problem. If they couldn't accept my insurance I'd pay cash – and work it out with the insurance company later. Then someone from the office called me and told me they didn't accept cash. And, of course, that's when my blood started to heat up. Because I live in a world where everyone accepts cash. The explanation was that if I came in without insurance coverage and the doctor made referrals for further tests then I wouldn't be covered for those tests. And when I told them I'd pay cash for those, too, they said that wasn't acceptable. And that's when my serenity went into the toilet.
I won't go into a lot of boring detail about how the situation escalated. But I will say that on four different occasions I had an appointment. Then I didn't have an appointment. It went back and forth like that for several hours until I finally did see the doctor. And - needless to say - I had to make amends several times during the day as my attitude about the situation got worse and worse.
As I said in the beginning, my loss of serenity was my fault. If I'd remembered that I had changed networks recently I might have checked with the doctor's office to find out if he was in that network. Also, I could've reminded myself that when dealing with big organizations with lots of people it's not unusual for communication to go sideways. After all we live in an imperfect world. The more moving parts there are, the more chances for mistakes and misunderstandings.
But this morning I have my serenity back. And I’ll try not to make assumptions that might take it away from me.
