Partial Amends?

I received an amends letter last month from someone who’d relapsed a few years ago and had recently returned to the 12-step program.

It was a long letter of apology and remorse, explaining how he valued our relationship and was sorry he’d let me down.  He also said his sponsor had taken him through all the steps and that it felt good to be attending meetings and working the steps – something he hadn’t done before.

However, notably missing from his amends letter was mention of the large sum of money he owes me.  A few years before he relapsed he’d borrowed money for a family emergency, saying he’d return it when business improved. Because I’d seen him repay large obligations to others, I didn’t hesitate to help. However, after that there was no mention of plans to repay, even though I would have accepted monthly payments until he got the whole amount together.  And - because it had been so long - I’d pretty much written off the loan.

I told my sponsor I’d thanked the man for the amends letter without reminding him that he owes me money. My sponsor said that was probably the best approach because the man likely doesn’t have the funds – but may pay me later as he grows in sobriety. He said that getting honest sometimes happens slowly and that I should pray this man enjoys the same blessings in life that I enjoy.

I'll try that.