Forgiving Ourselves

A few days ago at a social gathering I ran into a former employee who'd stolen a considerable amount of money from me and my business partner several years ago.

I told him it was good to see him and we made small talk for a while. Eventually the conversation turned to when he'd stolen the money. Even though he’d repaid us with interest, he still felt bad. And it was visible on his face.

I asked him to go back to the day we discovered our loss and to remember what I'd told him: that I forgave him for what he did. And I did this even before he made arrangements to pay us back. In spite of my forgiveness and the fact that he paid us back he still carries guilt about what he'd done.

I suggested the best thing he could do for himself and his family would be to forgive himself, to stop beating himself up about it. When we parted I kind of had the feeling that he wouldn't be able to do that and would carry the guilt for a long time.

As a person in recovery it's healthy for me – once I've made amends – to forgive myself. In my mind forgiving ourselves is as important as forgiving others.