An acquaintance called about a son who's doing drugs. The
son, who’s in his mid-30s, has lost his wife, his job, and his home. At this
point the father is totally frustrated. On a few occasions he helped his son
out with chunks of money, hoping to stop his downward spiral. However, all he accomplished
was to prolong the process.
What the father didn't realize – like many parents of
addicts and alcoholics – is that money won’t help an addict change. The addict
needs to lose everything to the point where he suffers enough pain to want to
change. Often this realization comes later rather than sooner.
I advised this parent that the best thing he could do would
be to back off from his son and let him hit bottom. Once his son has enough
pain and misery he might change.
What sometimes complicates things for parents
is that addict children often blame parents for their addictions. Addicts have an amazing ability to play
on a parent's guilt.
As an addict who's the parent of an addict I have firsthand
experience. And I apply the advice I give in this blog to my own
situation. Once my son relapsed and started using again I gave him zero
assistance. And that won’t change until
I see a long period of sobriety and stability.
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