If an addict is unwilling to go into treatment and change their lives my advice is always the same: don't give them any more help until they decide to get into treatment. But very seldom do I meet any of the people involved in these situations. It's always via email or by telephone, seldom face-to-face.
But this weekend I had the good fortune to meet with a woman who didn't know what to do about her sister who was strung out on pills for some time. And I gave her the same advice: help her get into treatment but don't give her any further help unless she successfully completes the program. And all of the events I describe here happened nearly a year ago. But she had difficulty accepting the advice from her sister, who had never used any kind of drug or alcohol.
However, things finally became so bad that she ended up losing her apartment and becoming homeless. After a few weeks of being homeless, she accepted her sister's advice and went into a treatment program. And today she has nearly a year clean and sober. And her life continues to improve.
She's getting her body back in shape by going to the gym for at least an hour a day. She is putting together an employment resume. She attends a church that gives her a lot of support in her recovery.
So if you or a member of your family is in a similar situation I would suggest you follow the same path. Even though you love them with all your heart, give them no help that will allow them to continue their habit. That means no couch to sleep on. That means no ride to the connection. That means no giving money or a "short term loan."
Your loved one will be very pissed off at you. They will accuse you of hating them and never loving them. But if you want to have a chance of saving them, do not bend or yield. No matter if they threaten to never speak to you again.
Because the woman I talked to today whose sister would not help her until she got treatment is grateful for how tough her sister was with her.
It's your choice: you can be a positive driving force in your addict's life. Or you can be the one who yields and finds them dead somewhere with a needle in their arm.
Make the right choice today.
