A big part of being sober and grown-up is learning to follow my own advice. I at timtes have difficulty with this concept. I've been running an aftercare group in our program as a volunteer for more than 15 years. By nature of what I do I end up, ultimately, giving clients a lot of advice

Some of the advice I give them is that we are powerless over others. It doesn't make any difference whether the others are business associates, acquaintances, or family members. We have no power over people, other than the power they give us voluntarily.

I bring up this topic because I have a close family member who has started drinking and drugging again. I don't believe this person started drinking last week or using drugs this month. I believe he's been fooling around for a few years. Because alcoholism and drug addiction are progressive it finally has come to light.

I say this because a few years ago I lived in the same city as this person and was able to observe his life on a regular basis. At the time he lived near me he wasn't using. I believe this because his life was good and he was making nearly $100,000 a year. He wasn't going through the emotional back and forth that he has for the last couple of years. His behavior now is that of the typical substance abuser. He blames everyone else for how he feels. It's because of "that bitch." His boss doesn't treat him right. It's always something other than his own behavior that's the cause of his problems. To me these are usually signs of relapse or drug use.

In terms of following my own advice I'm starting now. I'm committed to realizing that I am powerless over this person. I'm no longer going to wonder about his drinking or drugging. I surrender him to God and understand that he has to learn if he can successfully use.

When we're in a battle and a member of our squad falls by the wayside, if we can't help him then we have to move on. It may sound callous, but emotional and spiritual self-preservation is paramount to someone with my disease.