A female acquaintance I saw at the fitness center this morning seemed unhappy. When I asked what was going on she told me her oldest daughter had been arrested a second time for driving under the influence of alcohol. She said she and her husband were having financial difficulties paying for the child's legal defense. When I asked her why they were spending money on her legal defense she looked at me in surprise.

"If we don't help her she might go to jail," she said.

"It may be good for her to her face responsibility for her actions," I replied.

The conversation went on this way for a while. The mother seemed to feel she had the responsibility to provide a safety net for this 21-year-old adult. I didn't spend a lot of time trying to convince her she to let her daughter face responsibility. I realized she was dealing with issues that wouldn’t be resolved by a few comments from me.

Many times in my role as a drug counselor and CEO of a recovery program, I encounter parents who keep bailing grown children out of trouble. Many times parents feel guilty about how they raised their children, or feel they haven't done enough for them. As a result, when the child gets into trouble they try to pick up the pieces. While this may help alleviate guilt, it doesn't do anything to help the child face responsibility for bad behavior.

I usually share my own story with these parents. For years people tried to help me deal with my addictions and the resulting problems. My poor parents, God bless them, spent money on legal fees and counseling. They tried to intervene and cushion me from my problems. Only after they stopped running interference did I begin looking at my responsibility for my problems. At first I thought they had suddenly become mean and cruel. People didn't understand me. They didn't know how to party like I did. They didn't realize the justice system was out to get me. Everyone was against me. I kept rationalizing until finally I had to face the reality that I was the root of all of my problems.

Once I accepted this reality things started to change for me. Oh, change didn't happen overnight. But once I had no one to hold the safety net between me and consequences I realized I had to do something different.

Once I accepted reality I entered a detox and my life changed. Hopefully this mother will do her daughter a favor and let her face the consequences of her behavior.