"We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us
what we could not do for ourselves"
The Twelfth Promise
Many of us addicts and alcoholics have egos the
size of the Goodyear blimp. For years and years we thought we had the answers
to everything. Anyone who criticized our drinking or our lifestyles, well, they
just didn't know what the hell they were talking about. And I speak from
personal experience. People who talked to me in a negative way about my
drinking simply didn't know how to party. How to have a good time.
It took years of me getting in trouble with the
law over my drinking before I started thinking that maybe somebody else knew
something – maybe just a little bit.
In this promise it says that God is doing for us
what we could not do for ourselves. And that is so true. For many years I drank
and used other substances as if I knew what I was doing. It took a series of
circumstances before I realized that a power greater than
myself was controlling my life. I can't recall how many life-threatening
experiences I went through – all while I was drinking – before I realized
something had to change. And the interesting thing is the moment that I realized
that I would have to change I made a promise to God. And the promise was that
if you get me out of these circumstances that I'd gotten myself into once more
I would do something different with my life. I didn't promise that I would
change my life. I didn't promise that I would quit drinking. I just said a
prayer that I would change my life. And if God had asked me what kind of
changes I wanted to make I wouldn't know how to answer. Because my life was so
screwed up that I have no idea where I was going or what I was doing. All I
knew, was that I needed to stay drunk any time I was awake, merely to function.
So I was in jail and I made this deal with God. If
he would help me out of the situation I would do something different with my
life. And for the first time in my life I was released from jail with no
charges against me, even though I had done everything they charged me with and
then some.
But after I was released from jail I forgot all
about that promise I had made. But God hadn't forgotten. And within a week I
found myself 500 miles away in another state, Arizona. I had no money. I had no
plans. And I was still drinking when I could steal something to drink. Within a
week after I arrived in Arizona I found myself living in a detoxification unit
in a small town named Globe, Arizona. Now I would like to say that I got sober
right then and never drank again. But it took me another seven years before I
got completely sober – never to take another drink again.
Once I quit drinking my life continued to change
for the better. I got my old job back. I started my own business: a
recovery program that has lasted now for the last 26 years. It was something I
would've never dreamed of doing on my own: it had God's fingerprints all over
it.
Today I don't question what I'm supposed to do
with my life. I just do whatever is put before me and recognize that God's will
is stronger than mine.
