Better Communication

Last night in aftercare we talked about what we do when someone hurts our feelings. The majority of the eight group members said they "got angry" and either retaliated or withdrew. The point of the discussion was to learn positive ways we might deal with situations in which our feelings got hurt. Rather than doing something as counterproductive as becoming angry or getting even maybe there was something else we could do to get through a tough situation.

The facilitator gave examples of how he deals with people who try to hurt his feelings or who might be getting angry during an exchange.

"Excuse me," he said as one example. "Did I say something to hurt your feelings? Because if I did I didn't mean to."

Or, as another example he used the phrase "it sounds like you're getting angry. If there's something I said to offend you, forgive me. I didn't mean to."

The facilitator said that he uses this technique probably once a month in business dealings. And one of the interesting things, he found is that nobody has ever hung up the phone on him or walked away from the conversation. He said that usually there is a moment of silence, then the conversation continues – but on a totally different tone. He said that when he uses this technique he is showing respect for the other person's feelings. He also walks away with his self-esteem intact and feeling like he got through a tough communication without getting angry.

The consensus was that if we can keep our ego out of the way when we feel hurt, we might can have a productive exchange with the other person.