Saturday, August 27, 2011

Going Home

I was talking to a client recently who was excited about completing the first 90 days of his program. He was looking forward to getting back with his family. I could see by the look on his face that he was mentally there already.

            "So you're excited about returning home?" I asked him.

            “I am," he replied.

            "And what do you think will be different?" I asked him.

            "Well, for one thing, I've been sober for 90 days."

The conversation went back and forth like this for a while. He was proud of the fact he'd been sober for 90 days and justifiably so. But I explained to him that he's the one who’s changed – but things back home might not have changed. He might have great expectations that his family will welcome him as a returning hero. And if that doesn’t occur, he'll be disappointed.

My experience has been that once we return to our old environment clean and sober, we sometimes have expectations that aren't met. One reality we encounter is that the same issues we left behind are still there. We have a stack of bills. Our spouse may not totally trust us.  We may have to find a new job.  The same personalities we dealt with before we left are still there.

When we return our families may finally be relieved that they're not competing with alcohol or drugs for our attention.  Our children might be expecting us to make amends for all of our absences. They may think we're going to spend more time with them, instead of drinking with our buddies or being at the dope house. They may also look forward to a period of increased prosperity because now we're not supporting a habit.

These are real challenges that can sometimes send us back out if we're not careful. My advice to our client was to live in the present moment and be prepared for unexpected challenges and changes when he returns home. 

If he expects some dreamlike scenario to be awaiting him he'll surely be disappointed.

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