The 12-Step Advantage

At lunch the other day a sober friend told me about a relative who's still angry at him after all these years.

He said that even though he's made amends for things he did to him while he was drinking; the relative is still angry. Although he says he's forgiven him, sooner or later he says something hurtful.

My advice was to return the anger with kindness and love. Tell him he's sorry for what he's done in the past. Ask what he can do to make things right. Never respond with anger or recriminations. Let the relative heal.

I explained to my friend that those of us in the 12 step program sometimes have an advantage over those who aren't in recovery. And this advantage – even though we paid a heavy price to become members of a 12 step program – is that we have guidelines to help us deal with emotional issues.

We learn how to make amends. We learn how to forgive. We learn how to right the wrongs we've committed.

I told my friend to be patient. Then I shared with him my experience with family and friends. It took years for some to realize that I was going to stay sober and clean. After a while they stopped being angry and judgmental. 

They began to support me in my recovery.