Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Self-Assertiveness vs. Aggression


After an aftercare client with a history of anger and violence walked away from a confrontation he felt good about himself.
 
"Instead of defending myself and punching the guy for insulting me, I simply walked away," he said.
 
Someone in the group pointed out that it's not self-defense when you punch someone for what they say – no matter what it is.
 
Because of the topic of the group was assertiveness, the point was well-taken.
 
As addicts our low self-esteem and lack of confidence sometime leads us to instant anger when confronted.  Because our fragile egos are easily wounded we feel justified in attacking the other person – sometimes physically.

To avoid these situations we firmly, yet calmly, let the other person know how we feel. We do this without name-calling or threats. This allows the both parties to maintain their dignity and self-respect.

If I let you know how I feel without attacking you in any way we have a basis for a better communication.

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