God Bless the Mothers

Concerned mothers send emails about their children, wanting to help them get sober and clean. Some are heartbreaking. Some mothers don't understand that they're still enabling their children. Others have a clear idea of what needs to be done. The following email is edited to protect the anonymity of the mother and son. But this is an example of the many I receive.

“Just read today’s blog.  My son is coming to your Mesa facility on Tuesday. I pray that your program can help him. I too am sober for a long time and his addiction is killing me. After three rehab stays in the past year, he can no longer live with me. I have to move on and so does he. I cannot want his recovery for him more than he wants it for himself.

 "I do believe that this is a turning point for him. I believe that his Higher Power is working in his life by sending him to your program.

 "I love my son more than anything. He has truly taught me how to love unconditionally. But now he must go after his recovery like never before and I must go on with my life. I have been a single Mom for years, divorcing his father who is a chronic alcoholic. He is killing himself with alcohol.  I do not want my son to end up like him. I have hope because he is coming to you.”

I appreciate e-mails like this because it reminds me of the hopes we have for our addict children. As the parent of a recovering heroin addict I can relate.  We have great hopes for our children. Then, seemingly overnight,  they morph from a beautiful child into this out-of-control addict or alcoholic.

We soul-search. Where did I go wrong?  Maybe I spent too much time at work. Perhaps I should've sent him to another school? 

The scenarios can be endless.  Maybe the agonizing has to do with our powerlessness and some kind of residual guilt that we might have done something different. But all of this self-chatter is meaningless from a practical point of view. 

The only thing that matters is that we help a willing child into recovery. My own mother did this for me so many years ago. And it worked. And it’ll work for this woman’s son – if he’s half as motivated as she is.